Love Is More Than Feelings…It’s a Choice

Posted on by Rob Singleton

It’s hard for us to understand, living in a culture that teaches us from the youngest ages that we are supposed to feel our way into love. Everything we look at tells us to wait for those butterflies. Wait for it. Wait for it. There it is. That’s what you’re supposed to feel like. But God’s optics show us the truth about real love. It’s Opposite Day when it comes to real love.

The substance of authentic love is deeper than mere feelings. You might smile and nod at your friend, who advises, “You’ll know when it’s right.” But you instinctively know that can’t be true. You’re really thinking, I thought it was right last time, and all I got was a broken heart. That’s because your friend’s words are all based on feelings.

Feelings can deceive. Feelings lie to us. Going to a movie and “feeling” heartbroken doesn’t mean you were heartbroken. It’s just feelings. Our feelings can change from moment to moment. Drugs can alter our feelings. Thrills can alter our feelings. You can eat a bad pizza at night and have bad feelings the next day. Wrong choices can certainly mess with our feelings. But real love is more than just feelings.

God tells us who we are, rock-bottom truth, not feelings. Gut honest: we are deeply loved by Him. Then He tells us how to love Him and love others by taking action. We are supposed to act our way into a feeling. Isn’t that weird?

The choice to love comes first…then the feelings will eventually follow. This is the exact opposite of what we are used to. That is why, when we are commanded to love, it drives people crazy.

You may be thinking, “Wow! How can you tell me to love my neighbors? I don’t even like them right now.” Or, “How can you command me to love a spouse who belittles me, or so-called friends when they treat me badly? That doesn’t make any sense. I don’t feel like loving those people at all.”

It’s a pattern, and it works for everyone.

 

God fills you with His agape love.

He changes how you love.

He tells you to love someone.

You can start acting loving by the power of God in you.

Love happens.

 

None of this is because of you but because of God’s love for you—and in you. His love fills you and begins to work in and through you. And here’s a bonus. When you act your way into a feeling, the feeling comes. Your action of being loving, even when you don’t feel like it, changes how you feel. But that’s crazy, right?

Crazy Love

Yes, it’s crazy. It’s crazy love. What’s really crazy is that our culture has fallen in love with the optics of love instead of learning to love the way God created us to love so that we could be our authentic, true selves.

We don’t love just for Instagram or for Facebook likes. Real love is so much more than words or images.

The real agape love that God has for us not only unleashes our authentic, real selves but flips our world on its head and turns our lives inside out. It is truly crazy.

Now, there is a common misconception about people who love God. People think they are crazy…but not in a good way. Have you seen the headlines churches have made by paying off the medical expenses for all the veterans in their community? Or when they pay all the lunch money due for local schoolchildren? Or cover the expenses of employees who are displaced by some tragedy? It happens. A lot. And it’s all driven by the God kind of love.

And yet the only thing many people remember is going to a big city and seeing a guy wearing a sandwich board, walking around and yelling into a bullhorn, “You’re gonna die and fry, while we go to the sky in the sweet by and by!” Super loving, right? Nope…not at all. Zero people enjoy being yelled at.

What People Want Is Love

Love—that’s what people want, and it’s something that God has in abundance. God says that the greatest command is to “love the Lord your God with your everything, with all you’ve got, and love your neighbor as yourself.” He even says this is the first and greatest commandment. Why? When you love God with everything you’ve got, and love others like you love yourself, you get to throw out the rules. Why? Because you realize you don’t want to hurt the people you love. You go above and beyond the rules.

That is what Jesus was referring to when He said in Matthew 5:17 (NIV), “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.” I like the way the New Living Translation puts it: “Don’t misunderstand why I have come. I did not come to abolish the law of Moses or the writings of the prophets. No, I came to accomplish their purpose.”

Want to learn more about how to get beyond the optics to the love God wants you to have? Order a copy of my new bestselling book, Overliked, and experience the real love that God created you to have.

 

Following a rule book (the Law) can never produce the kind of love where you want the best for others, where you care for them, where you want to help them. Take me and my wife, Michelle. I love her with everything I have in me. It would be really weird for me to say, “I’m going to follow 10 specific marriage commandments to show Michelle how much I love her.” Rules like…

 

Don’t yell at Michelle.

Don’t hit Michelle.

Don’t scream at Michelle.

Don’t choke Michelle…

 

I don’t need those rules. Why? Because my love for her is all-encompassing. I want the absolute best for her in every situation. I want her to thrive. I want her to know that she is completely adored by me. I want her to be grounded in the knowledge that there is nothing I wouldn’t do for her. My love for Michelle and her love for me go way above and beyond any rules like the ones I just mentioned.

The same is true for you. If you love somebody, you don’t carry a bullhorn. You just operate out of love. You risk everything for them. You leave your comfort zone to fly halfway around the world just to make sure they know how much they are loved. And if you think about it…that’s just what Jesus did for you and for me. He left His heavenly home and came to earth as both God and Man because He loves us.

If you want to learn more about God’s authentic love—versus the optics of today’s love—I invite you to read my bestselling book, Overliked: Finding Direction, Courage, and Meaningful Relationships in a Society Crippled by Social Media, where you’ll find ways to get beyond the optics to the love that God wants you to have!

Until next time, choose love.

~ Pastor Rob

aka P-Ro

The First Three Chapters

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

 

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

 

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

 

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.

 

Make It the Best Year

Everybody wants this to be the best year of their life—who wouldn’t?! But making this year better than the others means making some adjustments—changes. This 21-day devotional is the jump-start you need to do just that. Filled with scriptures, insight, and encouragement, Pastor Rob walks with you on this daily journey. Don’t wait until next New Year’s Day, make this the best year of your life…starting today!

The First Three Chapters

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.

 

The First Three Chapters

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

 

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

 

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

 

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.

 

Make It the Best Year Devotional 

Everybody wants this to be the best year of their life—who wouldn’t?! But making this year better than the others means making some adjustments—changes. This 21-day devotional is the jump-start you need to do just that. Filled with scriptures, insight, and encouragement, Pastor Rob walks with you on this daily journey. Don’t wait until next New Year’s Day, make this the best year of your life…starting today!

 

Exclusive Private Virtual Event – “Narcissism and Breaking Its Hold”

Narcissism is at an all-time high. And it’s not just because we’ve become a society obsessed with how we look and making sure we’re #1. It’s because we’ve put ourselves at the center of our lives instead of God. Join Pastor Rob in this 45-minute private event, where he will discuss the challenges facing society today and how we can make powerful changes in our lives to break the self-centered hold and embrace a God-centered life.

The First Three Chapters 

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

 

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

 

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

 

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.


Make It the Best Year Devotional

Everybody wants this to be the best year of their life—who wouldn’t?! But making this year better than the others means making some adjustments—changes. This 21-day devotional is the jump-start you need to do just that. Filled with scriptures, insight, and encouragement, Pastor Rob walks with you on this daily journey. Don’t wait until next New Year’s Day, make this the best year of your life…starting today!

 

Exclusive Private Virtual Event – “Narcissism and Breaking Its Hold”

Narcissism is at an all-time high. And it’s not just because we’ve become a society obsessed with how we look and making sure we’re #1. It’s because we’ve put ourselves at the center of our lives instead of God. Join Pastor Rob in this 45-minute private event, where he will discuss the challenges facing society today and how we can make powerful changes in our lives to break the self-centered hold and embrace a God-centered life.

 

Exclusive Live Webinar – “How to Help Your Teen Break Free of Social Media Addiction”

While it might not (yet) be considered a clinical addition, many in society can’t go 5 minutes without checking their phone to see how many likes they have for their latest post, or how many comments people have left. And our teens are especially susceptible. After all, they’ve been all but raised with a device in their hands. How do we help this next generation deal with the debilitating side effects social media can have on us? In this 90-minute webinar, Pastor Rob will discuss the issue and provide practical ways we can help our teens navigate these formative years in a positive way. There will also be a live Q & A session at the end. (A link to the recorded webinar will be provided after the live event.)

Overliked by Rob Singleton is a tome for such a time as this. Even though I work on television, I also make a living through social media. Coincidently, right before I started reading the pre-release copy, I had checked my "Likes'" and numbers on social media! How was I doing? Were my numbers growing? Declining? Did a few drop off?  
 
It's so easy to get our self-esteem and self-worth tied to those likes and numbers.  
 
Through Pastor Rob's book, we learn how frivolous and fake it can all be and ultimately, how it can lead to a miserable and unfulfilled life if left unchecked. The tools, scriptures, and "change of heart" takeaways that Pastor Rob provides at the end of each chapter help considerably shift the focus from there…to in here. He gently, but with statistics and examples, gives us a guide us to live a more authentic life.  
 
In the book, Pastor Rob says, "Honesty is what sets us up for authentic relationships," and isn't that what we really all want? 
 
As a woman over 40 in Hollywood, the expectations have never been higher. Overliked sites that, in one 12-month period, YouTube logged 169 billion views just for beauty-related content. Beauty is good… perfection is lethal. And don't I know it? I am on high-definition TV with glaring set lights, standing next to 20- to 30-year old young women daily; it's a test to stay solid and secure in your own skin.  
 
I was posting perfectly lit and curated pictures of my "Beautiful" (heavily filtered) life; people followed and viewed but scrolled right along. However, when I let down the curtain, turned off the filter, and decided to share my real-life sorrows and struggles with cancer, the comments, words, notes, and numbers flooded. People want to see my honesty and weaknesses because they can relate.  
 
Overliked shows us that when we pretend to be perfect, the only person we are hurting is ourselves.  
 
Pastor Rob's easy and relatable storytelling draws the reader in. We find that our weaknesses become our strengths to help us touch, encourage, and heal others, not just impress them.  
 
Thank you for this very needed and essential book that helps us realize that being real is the only way to have a true connection with our Lord and our friends and family. 
 
In Overliked, through story references of David, we learn the Lord encourages us all to ignore appearance and stature. "For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)
 
This book is an important message for developing authenticity in our lives, which is far more critical than adding strangers, getting fake followers, and creating a heavily-filtered life experience. I promise you will really "LIKE" it.