Life-Giving Friendships – The Kind Social Media Can’t Provide

“A real friend walks in when the rest of the world walks out,” the old journalist Walter Winchell used to say. If you have ever experienced the world walking out on you, you don’t forget the friends who walk in. Those friends are priceless. You don’t ever want to lose them.

At our core, people are made for authentic, life-giving relationship. Every human on the planet wants a good friend or seven. Our lives are enriched by the people who connect with us.

From childhood on, we are slightly obsessed with finding a real friend. We want to hang out with someone who gets us and loves us unconditionally. Those deep connections give life hope and meaning. Best friends forever.

Besties Forever?

The latest superhero blockbusters reveal our love for friend flicks. We flock to them in droves. They all revolve around the themes of partnership and love. The Avengers. Black Panther (Wakanda Forever!). The Justice League. The Guardians of the Galaxy. Who doesn’t love a group of friends getting together to take down the forces of evil and kick some alien butt? Cheers break out every time they save each other from the clutches of death.

Superhero duos are even better. Batman and Robin. Antman and the Wasp. Rocket and Groot. (I am Groot!) Teaming up with a partner who has your back and whose strengths match your weaknesses, all while wearing cool gear and using killer tech, is a dream come true. These connections are magnetic. In classic French literature, we read the Musketeers repeat, “All for one and one for all.” (Free test answers: there were four, not three, and no, they weren’t real; it’s pure fiction.) Flash forward, and Captain America tells his boyhood pal, Bucky, “I’m with you till the end of the line.” That kind of love and loyalty draws us in. The unwavering loyalty hooks us.

Obviously, superhero friendships are fantasy. But the dynamic between two people who care for each other and are willing to fight for each other couldn’t be more real. It gets us right in the gut. We all want that kind of friendship.

A good friend is with you through the good, the bad, and the ugly. And the uglier the situation is that you survive, the more powerful the bond of friendship is.

A Real-Life Dynamic Duo

Jia Haixia and Jia Wenqi could be the world’s most unlikely almost-superheroes. Born in the Yeli village in the Hebei province of China, the two have been fast friends since childhood. They are extreme tree huggers. They hope to save the environment, bring back the birds that have started disappearing from their village, and leave a legacy for the next generation. In the last 13 years, they have planted over 10,000 trees together.1 They have a mission to replant the banks and wasteland near their river.

 

There is one catch. Wenqi lost both of his arms at the age of three when he touched an electrical cable. And Haixia, as an adult, lost his vision. He is completely blind. The crazy thing is that their disabilities don’t stop them. They solidify their relationship.

Every day, for over 13 years, Wenqi has carried Haixia on his back across the river. Arms wrapped around his friend’s neck, Haixia carries their shovel and pick.2 Since they don’t have money for saplings to plant, they are creative. Wenqi hoists Haixia up on his shoulder so that he can climb 20 feet up a healthy tree to find just the right branches to replant by the river. Haixia’s climb is guided only by the feel of the branches and the sound of his friend’s voice. When Haixia returns to the ground, the team digs together. Wenqi holds the shovel between his neck and shoulder, and Haixia uses his hands. They gently place the little branches in the ground, patting them down and watering them.

These guys are beyond inspiring. They make me want to go plant some trees and hug my guy friends. #bromance

The crazy thing is that they don’t see themselves as being super or extraordinary. They just see themselves as being best friends. They make up for each other’s weaknesses. Haixia says, “I am his arms. He is my eyes. We are a team.” Together, they are unstoppable.

Five Super Traits

When we’re friending, unfriending, and then re-friending again, we make developing unstoppable friendships difficult. Developing lasting friendships requires stamina, grace, forgiveness, and a whole lot of give and take.

“If you want a friend, be a friend” is an ancient proverb, a bumper sticker, a meme. And it’s the truth. When Moses led Israel, he gave them 10 commands. Jesus simplified it to the first and greatest command: Love God with all you’ve got, and love others as yourself. Incidentally, this is also the greatest decision you can make to create a great life for yourself because this kind of love anchors authentic relationships. If we want friends who love us and fight for us, we have to become that type of friend.

Psychology Today reports five traits of integrity that most cultures value in a true friend:

  • Trustworthiness – This is often the “make or break” element in any interpersonal relationship. Any breach, regardless of perceived magnitude, can devastate a relationship.
  • Honesty – This requires that we speak openly from the heart and incorporate objectivity into our words.
  • Dependability – Friends can count on you to be there when you say you will, to do what you say you will, and to be willing to stand up for friends, especially when they can’t stand up for themselves.
  • Loyalty – We need friends who won’t spill our secrets to others, gossip about us, or allow others to criticize us.
  • Ability to trust others – Being able to trust another person involves being comfortable with vulnerability. If you have difficulty sharing your authentic self with a friend, it is doubtful your friend will be easily willing to do this for you.

Building out these core values may not come naturally, but they lay the foundation for that rock-solid authentic type of friendship that we all want to experience.

Haixia and Wenqi have these traits down. They depend on each other for everything. Their work together allows them to do far more than they could do alone. Using their differences, they fill in the gaps of their disabilities. They have a great camaraderie, sharing both the struggles and joys of their work. Digging holes in the hard-packed earth isn’t for sissies. And seeing your hard work surround your village with a new forest is just plain awesome.

The power of a trusted friend has exponential results. Their friendship is impacting their village, the environment, and the world at large. (Tree huggers, take heart.)

A good friendship is life changing. Research has found that true friendship has a ton of benefits. It can extend your lifespan, keep you healthy, and help your mind stay sharp. Friends help you navigate life’s struggles and cope with rejection. And a true friend can help you fulfill your destiny.

A good friendship is life changing. Grab a copy of my new WSJ & USA Today bestselling book, Overliked, and discover ways to have and be a life-changing friend!

 

If you want to learn more about how to live an authentic life with authentic friends, I invite you to grab a copy of my bestselling new book, Overliked: Finding Direction, Courage, and Meaningful Relationships in a Society Crippled by Social Media. Find the life God created you live—with real friends—outside of social media.

Until next Monday, remember that Jesus calls you friend.

~Pastor Rob

Aka P-Ro

The First Three Chapters

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

 

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

 

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

 

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.

 

Make It the Best Year

Everybody wants this to be the best year of their life—who wouldn’t?! But making this year better than the others means making some adjustments—changes. This 21-day devotional is the jump-start you need to do just that. Filled with scriptures, insight, and encouragement, Pastor Rob walks with you on this daily journey. Don’t wait until next New Year’s Day, make this the best year of your life…starting today!

The First Three Chapters

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.

 

The First Three Chapters

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

 

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

 

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

 

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.

 

Make It the Best Year Devotional 

Everybody wants this to be the best year of their life—who wouldn’t?! But making this year better than the others means making some adjustments—changes. This 21-day devotional is the jump-start you need to do just that. Filled with scriptures, insight, and encouragement, Pastor Rob walks with you on this daily journey. Don’t wait until next New Year’s Day, make this the best year of your life…starting today!

 

Exclusive Private Virtual Event – “Narcissism and Breaking Its Hold”

Narcissism is at an all-time high. And it’s not just because we’ve become a society obsessed with how we look and making sure we’re #1. It’s because we’ve put ourselves at the center of our lives instead of God. Join Pastor Rob in this 45-minute private event, where he will discuss the challenges facing society today and how we can make powerful changes in our lives to break the self-centered hold and embrace a God-centered life.

The First Three Chapters 

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

 

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

 

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

 

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.


Make It the Best Year Devotional

Everybody wants this to be the best year of their life—who wouldn’t?! But making this year better than the others means making some adjustments—changes. This 21-day devotional is the jump-start you need to do just that. Filled with scriptures, insight, and encouragement, Pastor Rob walks with you on this daily journey. Don’t wait until next New Year’s Day, make this the best year of your life…starting today!

 

Exclusive Private Virtual Event – “Narcissism and Breaking Its Hold”

Narcissism is at an all-time high. And it’s not just because we’ve become a society obsessed with how we look and making sure we’re #1. It’s because we’ve put ourselves at the center of our lives instead of God. Join Pastor Rob in this 45-minute private event, where he will discuss the challenges facing society today and how we can make powerful changes in our lives to break the self-centered hold and embrace a God-centered life.

 

Exclusive Live Webinar – “How to Help Your Teen Break Free of Social Media Addiction”

While it might not (yet) be considered a clinical addition, many in society can’t go 5 minutes without checking their phone to see how many likes they have for their latest post, or how many comments people have left. And our teens are especially susceptible. After all, they’ve been all but raised with a device in their hands. How do we help this next generation deal with the debilitating side effects social media can have on us? In this 90-minute webinar, Pastor Rob will discuss the issue and provide practical ways we can help our teens navigate these formative years in a positive way. There will also be a live Q & A session at the end. (A link to the recorded webinar will be provided after the live event.)

Overliked by Rob Singleton is a tome for such a time as this. Even though I work on television, I also make a living through social media. Coincidently, right before I started reading the pre-release copy, I had checked my "Likes'" and numbers on social media! How was I doing? Were my numbers growing? Declining? Did a few drop off?  
 
It's so easy to get our self-esteem and self-worth tied to those likes and numbers.  
 
Through Pastor Rob's book, we learn how frivolous and fake it can all be and ultimately, how it can lead to a miserable and unfulfilled life if left unchecked. The tools, scriptures, and "change of heart" takeaways that Pastor Rob provides at the end of each chapter help considerably shift the focus from there…to in here. He gently, but with statistics and examples, gives us a guide us to live a more authentic life.  
 
In the book, Pastor Rob says, "Honesty is what sets us up for authentic relationships," and isn't that what we really all want? 
 
As a woman over 40 in Hollywood, the expectations have never been higher. Overliked sites that, in one 12-month period, YouTube logged 169 billion views just for beauty-related content. Beauty is good… perfection is lethal. And don't I know it? I am on high-definition TV with glaring set lights, standing next to 20- to 30-year old young women daily; it's a test to stay solid and secure in your own skin.  
 
I was posting perfectly lit and curated pictures of my "Beautiful" (heavily filtered) life; people followed and viewed but scrolled right along. However, when I let down the curtain, turned off the filter, and decided to share my real-life sorrows and struggles with cancer, the comments, words, notes, and numbers flooded. People want to see my honesty and weaknesses because they can relate.  
 
Overliked shows us that when we pretend to be perfect, the only person we are hurting is ourselves.  
 
Pastor Rob's easy and relatable storytelling draws the reader in. We find that our weaknesses become our strengths to help us touch, encourage, and heal others, not just impress them.  
 
Thank you for this very needed and essential book that helps us realize that being real is the only way to have a true connection with our Lord and our friends and family. 
 
In Overliked, through story references of David, we learn the Lord encourages us all to ignore appearance and stature. "For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)
 
This book is an important message for developing authenticity in our lives, which is far more critical than adding strangers, getting fake followers, and creating a heavily-filtered life experience. I promise you will really "LIKE" it.