“A real friend walks in when the rest of the world walks out,” the old journalist Walter Winchell used to say. If you have ever experienced the world walking out on you, you don’t forget the friends who walk in. Those friends are priceless. You don’t ever want to lose them.
At our core, people are made for authentic, life-giving relationship. Every human on the planet wants a good friend or seven. Our lives are enriched by the people who connect with us.
From childhood on, we are slightly obsessed with finding a real friend. We want to hang out with someone who gets us and loves us unconditionally. Those deep connections give life hope and meaning. Best friends forever.
Besties Forever?
The latest superhero blockbusters reveal our love for friend flicks. We flock to them in droves. They all revolve around the themes of partnership and love. The Avengers. Black Panther (Wakanda Forever!). The Justice League. The Guardians of the Galaxy. Who doesn’t love a group of friends getting together to take down the forces of evil and kick some alien butt? Cheers break out every time they save each other from the clutches of death.
Superhero duos are even better. Batman and Robin. Antman and the Wasp. Rocket and Groot. (I am Groot!) Teaming up with a partner who has your back and whose strengths match your weaknesses, all while wearing cool gear and using killer tech, is a dream come true. These connections are magnetic. In classic French literature, we read the Musketeers repeat, “All for one and one for all.” (Free test answers: there were four, not three, and no, they weren’t real; it’s pure fiction.) Flash forward, and Captain America tells his boyhood pal, Bucky, “I’m with you till the end of the line.” That kind of love and loyalty draws us in. The unwavering loyalty hooks us.
Obviously, superhero friendships are fantasy. But the dynamic between two people who care for each other and are willing to fight for each other couldn’t be more real. It gets us right in the gut. We all want that kind of friendship.
A good friend is with you through the good, the bad, and the ugly. And the uglier the situation is that you survive, the more powerful the bond of friendship is.
A Real-Life Dynamic Duo
Jia Haixia and Jia Wenqi could be the world’s most unlikely almost-superheroes. Born in the Yeli village in the Hebei province of China, the two have been fast friends since childhood. They are extreme tree huggers. They hope to save the environment, bring back the birds that have started disappearing from their village, and leave a legacy for the next generation. In the last 13 years, they have planted over 10,000 trees together.1 They have a mission to replant the banks and wasteland near their river.
There is one catch. Wenqi lost both of his arms at the age of three when he touched an electrical cable. And Haixia, as an adult, lost his vision. He is completely blind. The crazy thing is that their disabilities don’t stop them. They solidify their relationship.
Every day, for over 13 years, Wenqi has carried Haixia on his back across the river. Arms wrapped around his friend’s neck, Haixia carries their shovel and pick.2 Since they don’t have money for saplings to plant, they are creative. Wenqi hoists Haixia up on his shoulder so that he can climb 20 feet up a healthy tree to find just the right branches to replant by the river. Haixia’s climb is guided only by the feel of the branches and the sound of his friend’s voice. When Haixia returns to the ground, the team digs together. Wenqi holds the shovel between his neck and shoulder, and Haixia uses his hands. They gently place the little branches in the ground, patting them down and watering them.
These guys are beyond inspiring. They make me want to go plant some trees and hug my guy friends. #bromance
The crazy thing is that they don’t see themselves as being super or extraordinary. They just see themselves as being best friends. They make up for each other’s weaknesses. Haixia says, “I am his arms. He is my eyes. We are a team.” Together, they are unstoppable.
Five Super Traits
When we’re friending, unfriending, and then re-friending again, we make developing unstoppable friendships difficult. Developing lasting friendships requires stamina, grace, forgiveness, and a whole lot of give and take.
“If you want a friend, be a friend” is an ancient proverb, a bumper sticker, a meme. And it’s the truth. When Moses led Israel, he gave them 10 commands. Jesus simplified it to the first and greatest command: Love God with all you’ve got, and love others as yourself. Incidentally, this is also the greatest decision you can make to create a great life for yourself because this kind of love anchors authentic relationships. If we want friends who love us and fight for us, we have to become that type of friend.
Psychology Today reports five traits of integrity that most cultures value in a true friend:
- Trustworthiness – This is often the “make or break” element in any interpersonal relationship. Any breach, regardless of perceived magnitude, can devastate a relationship.
- Honesty – This requires that we speak openly from the heart and incorporate objectivity into our words.
- Dependability – Friends can count on you to be there when you say you will, to do what you say you will, and to be willing to stand up for friends, especially when they can’t stand up for themselves.
- Loyalty – We need friends who won’t spill our secrets to others, gossip about us, or allow others to criticize us.
- Ability to trust others – Being able to trust another person involves being comfortable with vulnerability. If you have difficulty sharing your authentic self with a friend, it is doubtful your friend will be easily willing to do this for you.
Building out these core values may not come naturally, but they lay the foundation for that rock-solid authentic type of friendship that we all want to experience.
Haixia and Wenqi have these traits down. They depend on each other for everything. Their work together allows them to do far more than they could do alone. Using their differences, they fill in the gaps of their disabilities. They have a great camaraderie, sharing both the struggles and joys of their work. Digging holes in the hard-packed earth isn’t for sissies. And seeing your hard work surround your village with a new forest is just plain awesome.
The power of a trusted friend has exponential results. Their friendship is impacting their village, the environment, and the world at large. (Tree huggers, take heart.)
A good friendship is life changing. Research has found that true friendship has a ton of benefits. It can extend your lifespan, keep you healthy, and help your mind stay sharp. Friends help you navigate life’s struggles and cope with rejection. And a true friend can help you fulfill your destiny.
If you want to learn more about how to live an authentic life with authentic friends, I invite you to grab a copy of my bestselling new book, Overliked: Finding Direction, Courage, and Meaningful Relationships in a Society Crippled by Social Media. Find the life God created you live—with real friends—outside of social media.
Until next Monday, remember that Jesus calls you friend.
~Pastor Rob
Aka P-Ro