I Heart You…Sort-of

Posted on by Rob Singleton

We’ve been talking a lot about optics lately. It’s a hot topic—how news events can be spun to favor one point of view over another, and how seemingly, the optics of everything can trump the reality of anything!

But how do optics affect our heart…and our desire for genuine love? We don’t have to look too far to see that optics plays heavily into this.

The “Reality” of Love Today

The opposite of optics is authenticity. The bedrock of authenticity is love because love is the bedrock of the human experience. And the source of love is…? You guessed it, God! God is love.

However, finding real love with another human has never been easy. Just ask The Bachelor. No one likes to admit watching this “reality” program (least of all men), yet The Bachelor has been one of television’s highest-rated shows for more than two dozen seasons. The idea is entirely implausible. For two months, people go on fake dates to places they could never have gone on their own, to do things they could never have done on their own. Nothing is “real.” Even on “dates,” they don’t eat the date food—at least not on camera. Then, after two months of these “dates,” the bachelor (or bachelorette, on the sister show) chooses a bride (or groom). To marry. For life.

In recent seasons, producers have put Christians with morals on the shows, and viewers responded, filling social media channels to guess whether contestants would stay moral or not. It has become a bit of a game to see who can get someone to give up their virginity. Ratings soared when bachelor Colton Underwood literally jumped a fence to get off the show after Cassie Randolph rejected him. He had two other women to choose from but decided not to choose anyone. Off he goes, over the fence, with producers and hosts chasing after him in the dark, trying to save the show.

In one of the highest-rated episodes, Colton came back and convinced Cassie to stay with him. In the end, Colton and Cassie got together, and viewers were left believing they lived happily ever after. He got his pick. She got hers. It had been very uncertain for a while, and that made great television—even if it didn’t last. And they almost never do. The Bachelor tells today’s story. Finding true love is more confusing than ever.

Before You “Swipe,” Ask Yourself These Five Questions

With over 1,500 dating apps, the opportunity to find your soul mate and love of your life can be completely overwhelming. Instead of meeting someone at school or at work or in your favorite hangout, you now scroll through countless bios on your phone. Instead of getting your cousin to set you up on a date, you simply click the button “hot” or “not” and take charge of your destiny. Or not.

While you have a much larger pool of potential love interests to choose from, dating apps can lend themselves to some awkward fails. Like the one where the guy used the line “If you were a McDonald’s sandwich, you would be a McGorgeous!” No match was made. This is not a surprise. His pickup line is laugh-out-loud funny, but there is a whole lot about dating apps that isn’t funny at all.

So, before you sign up on a dating app, ask yourself these five questions.

Question #1: Which app should I choose? All the different types of apps are mind-boggling. There are matchmaking apps. There are hookup apps. (Swipe right? Swipe left? Or how about not swiping…Is that an option?) There are apps based on religious beliefs. Apps based on age. Apps for flirting. Apps for flings. There is even an app for women who love guys with beards. I’m not even kidding. (Really? You know those can be shaved off in just a few minutes, right?)

Question #2: What if I accidentally invite the unwanted? Matt Lundquist, a couples’ therapist, said that dating apps tend to invite bad behavior. From conversations with his recovering clients, he has heard tales of rejection and ghosting. Not to mention the crude come-ons and the lack of basic human kindness. Let’s be honest…some of these apps bring out stalkers and psychos. One girl admitted she had a guy show up to their date and say, “You don’t look like what I thought you looked like.” He turned and walked away. #rude

Question #3: What image am I projecting? It’s possible that a woman really didn’t look like her picture. I know a 35-year-old who put up a 15-year-old photo. You’re 20 again? Really? And what about people who know how to use all the filters and photoshopping? They’re putting out optics that are nowhere close to reality. (What I don’t understand is, if you don’t look like the image, and you know you don’t look like it, what are your plans for when the real you has to show up on a date? The other person is wondering what happened to those perfect teeth or those huge muscles you presented in the pictures.

Want to learn more about how to get beyond the optics to the love God wants you to have? Order a copy of my new bestselling book, Overliked, and experience the real love that God created you to have.

 

Question #4: Is it for me? You can always just not go out. And if you consistently put out fake optics, then perhaps you’re afraid for people to see the real you.

While the longing for real love is real and as critical as ever, dating apps just don’t tend to reveal much of the person’s heart. It is hard to recognize a true opportunity for connection with a filtered photo and a witty sound bite for a bio.

Question #5: While I’m putting my heart out there, how do I know that the person I’m matched with is really who they say they are? How do you navigate love when authenticity is thrown out the window? And in this crazy world of optics, what is real love anyway? How do you recognize it?

Well, next Monday, I’ll share more about recognizing authentic love and the fact that real love is more than the swooning, butterflies-in-your-stomach feelings you sometimes get when you’re in “love.”

And if you want to dive deeper into subjects like fake optics, authentic love, and more, grab a copy of my book, Overliked: Finding Direction, Courage, and Meaningful Relationships in a Society Crippled by Social Media, where you’ll find ways to get beyond the optics to the love that God wants you to have!

Until next time, stay relying on Jesus.

 

~ Pastor Rob

aka P-Ro

The First Three Chapters

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

 

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

 

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

 

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.

 

Make It the Best Year

Everybody wants this to be the best year of their life—who wouldn’t?! But making this year better than the others means making some adjustments—changes. This 21-day devotional is the jump-start you need to do just that. Filled with scriptures, insight, and encouragement, Pastor Rob walks with you on this daily journey. Don’t wait until next New Year’s Day, make this the best year of your life…starting today!

The First Three Chapters

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.

 

The First Three Chapters

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

 

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

 

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

 

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.

 

Make It the Best Year Devotional 

Everybody wants this to be the best year of their life—who wouldn’t?! But making this year better than the others means making some adjustments—changes. This 21-day devotional is the jump-start you need to do just that. Filled with scriptures, insight, and encouragement, Pastor Rob walks with you on this daily journey. Don’t wait until next New Year’s Day, make this the best year of your life…starting today!

 

Exclusive Private Virtual Event – “Narcissism and Breaking Its Hold”

Narcissism is at an all-time high. And it’s not just because we’ve become a society obsessed with how we look and making sure we’re #1. It’s because we’ve put ourselves at the center of our lives instead of God. Join Pastor Rob in this 45-minute private event, where he will discuss the challenges facing society today and how we can make powerful changes in our lives to break the self-centered hold and embrace a God-centered life.

The First Three Chapters 

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

 

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

 

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

 

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.


Make It the Best Year Devotional

Everybody wants this to be the best year of their life—who wouldn’t?! But making this year better than the others means making some adjustments—changes. This 21-day devotional is the jump-start you need to do just that. Filled with scriptures, insight, and encouragement, Pastor Rob walks with you on this daily journey. Don’t wait until next New Year’s Day, make this the best year of your life…starting today!

 

Exclusive Private Virtual Event – “Narcissism and Breaking Its Hold”

Narcissism is at an all-time high. And it’s not just because we’ve become a society obsessed with how we look and making sure we’re #1. It’s because we’ve put ourselves at the center of our lives instead of God. Join Pastor Rob in this 45-minute private event, where he will discuss the challenges facing society today and how we can make powerful changes in our lives to break the self-centered hold and embrace a God-centered life.

 

Exclusive Live Webinar – “How to Help Your Teen Break Free of Social Media Addiction”

While it might not (yet) be considered a clinical addition, many in society can’t go 5 minutes without checking their phone to see how many likes they have for their latest post, or how many comments people have left. And our teens are especially susceptible. After all, they’ve been all but raised with a device in their hands. How do we help this next generation deal with the debilitating side effects social media can have on us? In this 90-minute webinar, Pastor Rob will discuss the issue and provide practical ways we can help our teens navigate these formative years in a positive way. There will also be a live Q & A session at the end. (A link to the recorded webinar will be provided after the live event.)

Overliked by Rob Singleton is a tome for such a time as this. Even though I work on television, I also make a living through social media. Coincidently, right before I started reading the pre-release copy, I had checked my "Likes'" and numbers on social media! How was I doing? Were my numbers growing? Declining? Did a few drop off?  
 
It's so easy to get our self-esteem and self-worth tied to those likes and numbers.  
 
Through Pastor Rob's book, we learn how frivolous and fake it can all be and ultimately, how it can lead to a miserable and unfulfilled life if left unchecked. The tools, scriptures, and "change of heart" takeaways that Pastor Rob provides at the end of each chapter help considerably shift the focus from there…to in here. He gently, but with statistics and examples, gives us a guide us to live a more authentic life.  
 
In the book, Pastor Rob says, "Honesty is what sets us up for authentic relationships," and isn't that what we really all want? 
 
As a woman over 40 in Hollywood, the expectations have never been higher. Overliked sites that, in one 12-month period, YouTube logged 169 billion views just for beauty-related content. Beauty is good… perfection is lethal. And don't I know it? I am on high-definition TV with glaring set lights, standing next to 20- to 30-year old young women daily; it's a test to stay solid and secure in your own skin.  
 
I was posting perfectly lit and curated pictures of my "Beautiful" (heavily filtered) life; people followed and viewed but scrolled right along. However, when I let down the curtain, turned off the filter, and decided to share my real-life sorrows and struggles with cancer, the comments, words, notes, and numbers flooded. People want to see my honesty and weaknesses because they can relate.  
 
Overliked shows us that when we pretend to be perfect, the only person we are hurting is ourselves.  
 
Pastor Rob's easy and relatable storytelling draws the reader in. We find that our weaknesses become our strengths to help us touch, encourage, and heal others, not just impress them.  
 
Thank you for this very needed and essential book that helps us realize that being real is the only way to have a true connection with our Lord and our friends and family. 
 
In Overliked, through story references of David, we learn the Lord encourages us all to ignore appearance and stature. "For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)
 
This book is an important message for developing authenticity in our lives, which is far more critical than adding strangers, getting fake followers, and creating a heavily-filtered life experience. I promise you will really "LIKE" it.