How Do You Fix a Problem You’re Not Supposed to Talk About?

Have you ever been in a situation where someone has asked you for your 100% honest opinion, but you really don’t want to say? Whether it’s to preserve their feelings or preserve everyone from the awkward moment, it can be pretty uncomfortable. How do you tell them that their haircut isn’t flattering? Or that the new outfit does make their “you-know-what” look big? (Ladies, you know better than to ask your husbands that!) It’s a sticky position to be in, but as a good friend, you tell them no matter how awkward it becomes.

Today, I want to talk about how to tell the truth…in love. And that starts with the facts.

Push Beyond Uncomfortable

How do we fix a problem we’re not supposed to talk about? Continue with self-serving optics? I suggest that we start telling the truth in love, no matter how uncomfortable it may be.

Truthful, factual optics, unfortunately, do not often seem to be set forth by politicians or the media on either side. Instead, carefully orchestrated, edited, and selective ones are. They do this to bring about a predetermined and preferred outcome, understanding that feelings move the masses far better than facts.

To be factual, it’s nothing new. It’s called “the straw man fallacy,” which is the oversimplifying or misrepresentation of your opponent’s argument to make it easier to attack or refute.

Still bewildered? I don’t blame you—it doesn’t make a lot of sense if you just look at the success rate of making decisions based on facts rather than simply feelings. Fact-based decisions bring about real change. Feelings-filtered decision-making only raises the needle on one metric—emotion. Therefore, anger often leads to outrage. Sadness leads to safe spaces. Criticism leads to cancel culture. And so on. Nevertheless, the herd marches ever forward with rarely a single person ever breaking ranks.

Again, why?

Because if we can change our optics, we feel as if we can change the truth about our lives without actually having to change any convictions or the way we behave.

That’s why virtue signaling is so popular today—almost no effort is required.

Is this Really Affecting Me?

Actually, it is.

Let’s be honest. Most of us would rather believe easier, tolerant, kumbaya stuff about the world over the tough issues that force us to confront what the Bible calls our “sinful nature.” So we tend to filter out the bad and accumulate only what makes us feel better about ourselves—true or not. And, as if this weren’t shallow enough, others don’t bother with the truth at all because it just takes too much effort to hunt down the facts. Better to let someone else take care of that, and hopefully—if it turns out we got it wrong in this life—we can just blame the truth-benders when we stand before God at the pearly gates one day.

Good luck with that.

All of this is because there is an uncomfortable journey into truth and some hard homework that needs to be done if you are at all interested in basing your life and commitments on facts and truth and on reality over optics. Like Neo in The Matrix saga, we’ll need to listen to Morpheus—even though he could be a real pill at times (pun intended).

In the movie, the red pill represents an uncertain future—it would free Neo from the enslaving control of the machine-generated dream world and allow him to escape into the real world, but living the “truth of reality” is harsher and more difficult. On the other hand, the blue pill represents a beautiful prison—it would lead him back to ignorance, living in confined comfort without want or fear within the simulated reality of the Matrix.

As described by Morpheus: “You take the blue pill…the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill…you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.” Neo chooses the red pill and joins the rebellion.

We need more people to join the rebellion—not the anarchy but the rebellion. And to do so, we’ll have to start becoming more interested in facts than feelings. Sadly, most aren’t. Feelings trump facts for many today. And relationships trump anything that’s left. That’s why identity politics (politics in which groups of people having a particular racial, religious, ethnic, social, or cultural identity tend to promote their own specific interests or concerns without regard to the interests or concerns of any larger political group) is becoming a more powerful influence than personal responsibility for current generations.

Many millennials love social justice and the social justice groups and friendships that come along with it. They even have an acronym for the recently formed crusaders for the cause—they’re called Social Justice Warriors (SJWs). The Bible is big on justice. Not just social justice—all justice. Consider what the Bible has to say on the topic:

  • How the just should live (Romans 1:17, “For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, ‘The just shall live by faith.’”)
  • How God feels about justice (Luke 18:7–8, The Message, “What makes you think God won’t step in and work justice for his chosen people, who continue to cry out for help? Won’t he stick up for them? I assure you, he will.”)
  • Justice being part of God’s character (Psalm 15:17, “The Lord is just in all his ways, and kind in all his doings.”)

What does truth have to do with all this? Well, the problem is that without truth, there can be no justice.

Why not?

Because justice meted out according to a lie or false narrative isn’t justice at all—in fact, it’s injustice. And if we go about social justice based solely on optics with a disregard for facts, we’ll end up as USWs (“Unjust Social Warriors”), and that’s the last thing really concerned, big-hearted, love-thy-neighbor people want.

Want to learn more about to how to get beyond the optics to the freedom that truth and facts bring? Pre-order a copy of my new book, Overliked, and learn how to be all that God has created the real you to be.

 

My advice?

Take the red pill and read on. Answers lie ahead, but they will not always be what you expect. Press on anyway.

We will continue this discussion next Monday. It’s not always easy, but it is always the right thing to do.

If you want to dive deeper with me on how optics affect so many things in our lives, pre-order your copy of my book, Overliked: Finding Direction, Courage, and Meaningful Relationships in a Society Crippled by Social Media, where you’ll find ways to get beyond the optics to the freedom that facts and truth bring. TODAY is the LAST DAY you can immediately download three free bonus gifts.

Until next time, lean into Jesus, friends.

~Pastor Rob

AKA P-Ro

The First Three Chapters

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

 

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

 

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

 

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.

 

Make It the Best Year

Everybody wants this to be the best year of their life—who wouldn’t?! But making this year better than the others means making some adjustments—changes. This 21-day devotional is the jump-start you need to do just that. Filled with scriptures, insight, and encouragement, Pastor Rob walks with you on this daily journey. Don’t wait until next New Year’s Day, make this the best year of your life…starting today!

The First Three Chapters

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.

 

The First Three Chapters

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

 

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

 

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

 

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.

 

Make It the Best Year Devotional 

Everybody wants this to be the best year of their life—who wouldn’t?! But making this year better than the others means making some adjustments—changes. This 21-day devotional is the jump-start you need to do just that. Filled with scriptures, insight, and encouragement, Pastor Rob walks with you on this daily journey. Don’t wait until next New Year’s Day, make this the best year of your life…starting today!

 

Exclusive Private Virtual Event – “Narcissism and Breaking Its Hold”

Narcissism is at an all-time high. And it’s not just because we’ve become a society obsessed with how we look and making sure we’re #1. It’s because we’ve put ourselves at the center of our lives instead of God. Join Pastor Rob in this 45-minute private event, where he will discuss the challenges facing society today and how we can make powerful changes in our lives to break the self-centered hold and embrace a God-centered life.

The First Three Chapters 

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

 

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

 

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

 

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.


Make It the Best Year Devotional

Everybody wants this to be the best year of their life—who wouldn’t?! But making this year better than the others means making some adjustments—changes. This 21-day devotional is the jump-start you need to do just that. Filled with scriptures, insight, and encouragement, Pastor Rob walks with you on this daily journey. Don’t wait until next New Year’s Day, make this the best year of your life…starting today!

 

Exclusive Private Virtual Event – “Narcissism and Breaking Its Hold”

Narcissism is at an all-time high. And it’s not just because we’ve become a society obsessed with how we look and making sure we’re #1. It’s because we’ve put ourselves at the center of our lives instead of God. Join Pastor Rob in this 45-minute private event, where he will discuss the challenges facing society today and how we can make powerful changes in our lives to break the self-centered hold and embrace a God-centered life.

 

Exclusive Live Webinar – “How to Help Your Teen Break Free of Social Media Addiction”

While it might not (yet) be considered a clinical addition, many in society can’t go 5 minutes without checking their phone to see how many likes they have for their latest post, or how many comments people have left. And our teens are especially susceptible. After all, they’ve been all but raised with a device in their hands. How do we help this next generation deal with the debilitating side effects social media can have on us? In this 90-minute webinar, Pastor Rob will discuss the issue and provide practical ways we can help our teens navigate these formative years in a positive way. There will also be a live Q & A session at the end. (A link to the recorded webinar will be provided after the live event.)

Overliked by Rob Singleton is a tome for such a time as this. Even though I work on television, I also make a living through social media. Coincidently, right before I started reading the pre-release copy, I had checked my "Likes'" and numbers on social media! How was I doing? Were my numbers growing? Declining? Did a few drop off?  
 
It's so easy to get our self-esteem and self-worth tied to those likes and numbers.  
 
Through Pastor Rob's book, we learn how frivolous and fake it can all be and ultimately, how it can lead to a miserable and unfulfilled life if left unchecked. The tools, scriptures, and "change of heart" takeaways that Pastor Rob provides at the end of each chapter help considerably shift the focus from there…to in here. He gently, but with statistics and examples, gives us a guide us to live a more authentic life.  
 
In the book, Pastor Rob says, "Honesty is what sets us up for authentic relationships," and isn't that what we really all want? 
 
As a woman over 40 in Hollywood, the expectations have never been higher. Overliked sites that, in one 12-month period, YouTube logged 169 billion views just for beauty-related content. Beauty is good… perfection is lethal. And don't I know it? I am on high-definition TV with glaring set lights, standing next to 20- to 30-year old young women daily; it's a test to stay solid and secure in your own skin.  
 
I was posting perfectly lit and curated pictures of my "Beautiful" (heavily filtered) life; people followed and viewed but scrolled right along. However, when I let down the curtain, turned off the filter, and decided to share my real-life sorrows and struggles with cancer, the comments, words, notes, and numbers flooded. People want to see my honesty and weaknesses because they can relate.  
 
Overliked shows us that when we pretend to be perfect, the only person we are hurting is ourselves.  
 
Pastor Rob's easy and relatable storytelling draws the reader in. We find that our weaknesses become our strengths to help us touch, encourage, and heal others, not just impress them.  
 
Thank you for this very needed and essential book that helps us realize that being real is the only way to have a true connection with our Lord and our friends and family. 
 
In Overliked, through story references of David, we learn the Lord encourages us all to ignore appearance and stature. "For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)
 
This book is an important message for developing authenticity in our lives, which is far more critical than adding strangers, getting fake followers, and creating a heavily-filtered life experience. I promise you will really "LIKE" it.