Understanding God’s Heart about Divorce

As a pastor, I am frequently asked questions about what the Bible says about certain situations and topics. Today, I’d like to address a sensitive subject: divorce. Specifically, what does the Bible say about divorce and remarriage?

Now, we all have our opinions, so it’s important to go to the best source—the Bible—to get our answers. We read in Malachi 2:16, “‘I hate divorce,’ says the Lord God of Israel.” Also, according to the Bible, marriage is a lifetime commitment. Jesus says in Matthew 19:6, “So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

God realizes, though, that since marriage involves two sinful human beings, divorces will happen. In the Old Testament, He laid down some laws to protect the rights of divorcees, especially women (Deuteronomy, 24:1-4). Jesus pointed out that these laws were given because of the hardness of people’s hearts, not because such laws were God’s desire (Matthew 19:8).

The Exception Clause

The controversy over whether the Bible allows divorce and remarriage primarily revolves around Jesus’s words in Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9. It’s one little phrase that’s caused problems: “except for marital unfaithfulness.” This phrase is the only thing in Scripture that possibly gives God’s permission for divorce and remarriage. Many interpreters understand this “exception clause,” as it’s become known, as referring to marital unfaithfulness during the betrothal period. In Jewish custom, a man and a woman were considered married even while they were still engaged or betrothed, which of course, is not the case today. (Today, we’re only looking at the actual marriage.) According to this view, marital unfaithfulness would then be the only valid reason for divorce. Interestingly, the Greek word translated as “marital unfaithfulness” is a word that can mean any form of sexual immorality whatsoever, including fornication, prostitution, adultery, pornography, etc.

Jesus is possibly saying the divorce is permissible if sexual immorality is committed. Clearly, sexual relations are an integral part of the marital bond. The two will become one flesh (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, and Ephesians 5:31). Therefore, any breaking of that bond by sexual relations outside of that marriage bond might be a permissible reason for divorce.

If so, Jesus also has remarriage in mind in this passage. The phrase “and marries another” (Matthew 19:9) indicates that divorce and remarriage are allowed in an instance of the exception clause, whatever that is interpreted to be. It’s also important to note that only the innocent party is actually allowed to remarry. Although not stated in the text, it would seem the allowance for remarriage after divorce is God’s mercy for the one who was sinned against, not for the one who committed the sexual immorality. Now, there may be instances where the guilty party is allowed to remarry, but they’re not evident in this text.

Are There Other Exceptions?

There are two other cases where there seems to be some evidence or thought where God will permit divorce. Some understand 1 Corinthians 7:15 as a possible second exception clause, allowing remarriage if an unbelieving spouse divorces his or her believing spouse. However, the context does not mention remarriage at all; it simply says a believer is not bound to continue a marriage if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave. However, unbound or free to do what? The obvious answer seems to be remarry.

How are our marriages and relationships in general affected by today’s social media? Pre-order a copy of my new book, Overliked and discover how to find the truth amidst all that social media would have you believe.

 

A third possible exception clause that some claim is a valid reason for divorce is abuse—spousal or child abuse—even though it’s not listed as such an above. I suppose this might be a case, but it’s never wise to presume upon the Word of God.

How God Sees It

Sometimes lost in the debate over the exception clause(s) is the fact that, whatever marital unfaithfulness means, it’s an allowance for divorce, not a command for it. Even when adultery is committed, a couple can, through God’s grace, learn to forgive and begin to rebuild their marriage. God’s forgiven us so much. In fact, so much more. Surely, we can follow His example and even forgive the sin of adultery. Ephesians 4:32 suggests that. However, in many instances, the spouse is unrepentant and continues in sexual immorality. That’s where Matthew 19:9 can possibly be applied.

 

 

Many also look to quickly remarry after divorce—it’s called rebounding—when God might actually desire them to wait or even remain single. God sometimes calls people to be single so that their attention is not divided. (1 Corinthians 7:32-35) Marriage after divorce may be an option in some circumstances, but that does not mean it’s the only option.

 

Again, remember the Bible makes it abundantly clear that God actually hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). And that reconciliation and forgiveness should mark a believer’s life. That’s what He prefers (Luke 11:4, Ephesians 4:32).

However, God recognizes clearly in His Word that divorce will occur, even among His children. A divorced and remarried believer should not feel any less love by God, even if the divorce and or remarriage is not covered under the possible exception clause.

While this does not begin to explain every facet of this difficult subject, I hope it will help you understand God’s heart about marriage.

To find answers to other relevant and thought-provoking questions, check out my Ask P-Ro video series on my YouTube channel. I’d also like to invite you to join me on Sunday mornings—either in-person or online—for an authentic and enlightening worship experience at either 9:00 or 11:00 am (Mountain time) at The Summit Church.

 

~Pastor Rob

Aka, “P-Ro”

The First Three Chapters

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

 

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

 

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

 

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.

 

Make It the Best Year

Everybody wants this to be the best year of their life—who wouldn’t?! But making this year better than the others means making some adjustments—changes. This 21-day devotional is the jump-start you need to do just that. Filled with scriptures, insight, and encouragement, Pastor Rob walks with you on this daily journey. Don’t wait until next New Year’s Day, make this the best year of your life…starting today!

The First Three Chapters

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.

 

The First Three Chapters

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

 

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

 

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

 

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.

 

Make It the Best Year Devotional 

Everybody wants this to be the best year of their life—who wouldn’t?! But making this year better than the others means making some adjustments—changes. This 21-day devotional is the jump-start you need to do just that. Filled with scriptures, insight, and encouragement, Pastor Rob walks with you on this daily journey. Don’t wait until next New Year’s Day, make this the best year of your life…starting today!

 

Exclusive Private Virtual Event – “Narcissism and Breaking Its Hold”

Narcissism is at an all-time high. And it’s not just because we’ve become a society obsessed with how we look and making sure we’re #1. It’s because we’ve put ourselves at the center of our lives instead of God. Join Pastor Rob in this 45-minute private event, where he will discuss the challenges facing society today and how we can make powerful changes in our lives to break the self-centered hold and embrace a God-centered life.

The First Three Chapters 

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

 

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

 

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

 

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.


Make It the Best Year Devotional

Everybody wants this to be the best year of their life—who wouldn’t?! But making this year better than the others means making some adjustments—changes. This 21-day devotional is the jump-start you need to do just that. Filled with scriptures, insight, and encouragement, Pastor Rob walks with you on this daily journey. Don’t wait until next New Year’s Day, make this the best year of your life…starting today!

 

Exclusive Private Virtual Event – “Narcissism and Breaking Its Hold”

Narcissism is at an all-time high. And it’s not just because we’ve become a society obsessed with how we look and making sure we’re #1. It’s because we’ve put ourselves at the center of our lives instead of God. Join Pastor Rob in this 45-minute private event, where he will discuss the challenges facing society today and how we can make powerful changes in our lives to break the self-centered hold and embrace a God-centered life.

 

Exclusive Live Webinar – “How to Help Your Teen Break Free of Social Media Addiction”

While it might not (yet) be considered a clinical addition, many in society can’t go 5 minutes without checking their phone to see how many likes they have for their latest post, or how many comments people have left. And our teens are especially susceptible. After all, they’ve been all but raised with a device in their hands. How do we help this next generation deal with the debilitating side effects social media can have on us? In this 90-minute webinar, Pastor Rob will discuss the issue and provide practical ways we can help our teens navigate these formative years in a positive way. There will also be a live Q & A session at the end. (A link to the recorded webinar will be provided after the live event.)

Overliked by Rob Singleton is a tome for such a time as this. Even though I work on television, I also make a living through social media. Coincidently, right before I started reading the pre-release copy, I had checked my "Likes'" and numbers on social media! How was I doing? Were my numbers growing? Declining? Did a few drop off?  
 
It's so easy to get our self-esteem and self-worth tied to those likes and numbers.  
 
Through Pastor Rob's book, we learn how frivolous and fake it can all be and ultimately, how it can lead to a miserable and unfulfilled life if left unchecked. The tools, scriptures, and "change of heart" takeaways that Pastor Rob provides at the end of each chapter help considerably shift the focus from there…to in here. He gently, but with statistics and examples, gives us a guide us to live a more authentic life.  
 
In the book, Pastor Rob says, "Honesty is what sets us up for authentic relationships," and isn't that what we really all want? 
 
As a woman over 40 in Hollywood, the expectations have never been higher. Overliked sites that, in one 12-month period, YouTube logged 169 billion views just for beauty-related content. Beauty is good… perfection is lethal. And don't I know it? I am on high-definition TV with glaring set lights, standing next to 20- to 30-year old young women daily; it's a test to stay solid and secure in your own skin.  
 
I was posting perfectly lit and curated pictures of my "Beautiful" (heavily filtered) life; people followed and viewed but scrolled right along. However, when I let down the curtain, turned off the filter, and decided to share my real-life sorrows and struggles with cancer, the comments, words, notes, and numbers flooded. People want to see my honesty and weaknesses because they can relate.  
 
Overliked shows us that when we pretend to be perfect, the only person we are hurting is ourselves.  
 
Pastor Rob's easy and relatable storytelling draws the reader in. We find that our weaknesses become our strengths to help us touch, encourage, and heal others, not just impress them.  
 
Thank you for this very needed and essential book that helps us realize that being real is the only way to have a true connection with our Lord and our friends and family. 
 
In Overliked, through story references of David, we learn the Lord encourages us all to ignore appearance and stature. "For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)
 
This book is an important message for developing authenticity in our lives, which is far more critical than adding strangers, getting fake followers, and creating a heavily-filtered life experience. I promise you will really "LIKE" it.