The (Un)Reality of Social Media

Is what we see on social media real? Well, it would seem so. I mean, there are pictures to prove the happy times, right? For some, the pictures are an accurate reflection of the truth behind the scenes. Sadly, though, for many more, the pictures are about as real as Monopoly money. And what it can do to our emotional health can be debilitating.

At its best, engaging in social media can connect us in amazing ways with those we love and care for. At its worst, it leaves us feeling invisible and alone as we shout into the void. Today, I’d like to share about what I refer to as the un-reality of social media.

Social Goggles

Instead of rose-colored glasses, we now view the world through social goggles. Instead of defining our worth by who we are, we have learned to define our worth by how we’re seen by others, by who likes us, or who chooses not to like us. That’s a whole lot of power to give to a bunch of avatars. Yes, the people you are hoping will validate your existence aren’t real. The influencers, the game changers, even your coworker who recently connected with you on LinkedIn, whoever they are online, is not who they are in real life.

Let’s be honest, neither are you. The you that you reveal to the world via Instagram or Facebook is rarely the real you. It is a carefully crafted avatar with curated content, filtered photos, and edited dialogue—a patchwork of your best moments, your coolest vacations, your highlight reels, and your snappiest social media commentary. With the power of technology, you are crafting the person that you long to be—the person who has it all together, or should I say, the persona that has it all together.

People from my parents’ generation recall being afraid that someone might watch them, or that they’d be caught by surprise on camera. Today, young people expect it. In fact, the disorder called scopophobia is the fear of being seen. It is listed by one writer as one of the 10 weirdest phobias that exist, right up there with the fear of the pope (papaphobia), the fear of peanut butter (arachibutyrophobia), and the fear of teenagers (ephebiphobia). Who could imagine being afraid of any of that? Well, I suppose sometimes that teenager one. . .

However, one weird phobia is on the rise. It’s called nomophobia, the fear of being without a mobile device or without cell phone coverage. It’s as frightening as a trip to the dentist or “wedding day jitters.” Psychology Today reports that 65 percent of Americans sleep with their phones beside them, and more than half never switch them off. And all jokes aside, 34 percent of Americans answer their cell phones even during times of intimacy with their partner (thus revealing which “like” they value more), and a growing number of college students even shower with their cell phones.

Even though a growing body of research indicates that people who spend more time on their screens are unhappier than those who are not tethered to their phones, we all tend to live ready. Our phones at our sides, our finger on our camera button, our face ready to . . . thrust neck out, put tongue on roof of mouth, and smize, like Tyra taught us. We know what is like-able, and we do all we can to achieve that standard with each communication.

Our brains are looking for that next dopamine hit. Our hearts are consumed with how we look—almost as though “how we look” will transform our hearts. But God’s word makes it clear that this transformation works not from the outside in but rather the inside out. Proverbs 15:13 says, “A joyful heart makes a cheerful face. But when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken.” So it would seem that, rather than continuing with hearts consumed with how we look, we should be consumed with developing our hearts because a joyful heart has a more transforming effect on how we look than any filter or photoshopping ever could.

What we believe, value, and long for all seep out in our methodical, carefully-timed online revelations. Whether you realize it or not, you have a different identity online. It is the “super” you.

Superhero Cape…or Invisibility Cloak?

While I love the Marvel Cinematic Universe as much as the next guy, the stories are unbelievable. I mean, when you think about a Norse god with golden locks who can call down lightning and save the world with a special hammer…well, it’s not very realistic.

Yet, we love the idea of butt-kicking superheroes. There is no reality behind the myth. No one came out of that movie thinking they were going to run into Captain America grabbing coffee or fly off to Wakanda for the weekend. Superheroes don’t exist. Superpowers are not a thing. No matter how fun they are in the stories we love, they don’t exist in real life.

Whether we realize it or not, our social media avatars are as fake as those superheroes on the screen. Our photos are scrubbed, cropped, and photoshopped. Our style is cool and eclectic. We don’t take a selfie in the mirror to show how bad we look when we roll out of bed on Saturday morning. Our family pics don’t show conflict or stress. (Except when they do, and then we end up on AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com.)

When we do decide to share something “authentic” or “real” online, it almost never is. Our emotions, happy or sad, are portrayed in a way to invite feedback. There is just one problem. None of it is real.

Want to learn more about how to break free of the grip social media has on your life? Pre-order a copy of my new book, Overliked, and learn how to be the real you.

 

And in our quest for relationship and love? It is difficult to find real connection when everything about us…is fake.

We lose the real story of who we are when we curate ourselves for the benefit of others.

And we get so busy watching the special effects in other people’s lives that we forget to look for the reality behind them. While we are desperately hoping that the “superhero” we are portraying is making us more likable, the opposite effect is happening. In real life, social media can make us invisible. Allow me to explain.

When we post, we are essentially putting our online “friends” in charge of making our voices heard. Rather than talking directly to those close to us about the ins and outs of our days, we essentially shout into the void with a Facebook status or a tweet.

The challenge is that hundreds of thousands of “voices” are shouting at the same time we are. InternetLiveStats.com shows how many posts are created on social media platforms in real time. This ranges from several thousand to hundreds of thousands every second. The void gets exponentially larger by the minute. The chances of our voices being heard among the crowd grows infinitely smaller moment by moment. All the social chatter can leave us feeling unseen and unheard.

Exchanging personal interactions with impersonal posts on social media has a cost. Giving the power to validate or invalidate our thoughts to the online community can take a huge toll on our self-esteem.

So is all hope lost? No, but it does mean turning away from the fake life found in social media and turning to the One who created you. I’m excited to share more on this next Monday as we continue in our blog series about breaking free from the grip of social media and finding authentic relationships—with real people—who like the real you!

The First Three Chapters

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

 

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

 

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

 

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.

 

Make It the Best Year

Everybody wants this to be the best year of their life—who wouldn’t?! But making this year better than the others means making some adjustments—changes. This 21-day devotional is the jump-start you need to do just that. Filled with scriptures, insight, and encouragement, Pastor Rob walks with you on this daily journey. Don’t wait until next New Year’s Day, make this the best year of your life…starting today!

The First Three Chapters

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.

 

The First Three Chapters

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

 

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

 

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

 

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.

 

Make It the Best Year Devotional 

Everybody wants this to be the best year of their life—who wouldn’t?! But making this year better than the others means making some adjustments—changes. This 21-day devotional is the jump-start you need to do just that. Filled with scriptures, insight, and encouragement, Pastor Rob walks with you on this daily journey. Don’t wait until next New Year’s Day, make this the best year of your life…starting today!

 

Exclusive Private Virtual Event – “Narcissism and Breaking Its Hold”

Narcissism is at an all-time high. And it’s not just because we’ve become a society obsessed with how we look and making sure we’re #1. It’s because we’ve put ourselves at the center of our lives instead of God. Join Pastor Rob in this 45-minute private event, where he will discuss the challenges facing society today and how we can make powerful changes in our lives to break the self-centered hold and embrace a God-centered life.

The First Three Chapters 

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

 

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

 

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

 

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.


Make It the Best Year Devotional

Everybody wants this to be the best year of their life—who wouldn’t?! But making this year better than the others means making some adjustments—changes. This 21-day devotional is the jump-start you need to do just that. Filled with scriptures, insight, and encouragement, Pastor Rob walks with you on this daily journey. Don’t wait until next New Year’s Day, make this the best year of your life…starting today!

 

Exclusive Private Virtual Event – “Narcissism and Breaking Its Hold”

Narcissism is at an all-time high. And it’s not just because we’ve become a society obsessed with how we look and making sure we’re #1. It’s because we’ve put ourselves at the center of our lives instead of God. Join Pastor Rob in this 45-minute private event, where he will discuss the challenges facing society today and how we can make powerful changes in our lives to break the self-centered hold and embrace a God-centered life.

 

Exclusive Live Webinar – “How to Help Your Teen Break Free of Social Media Addiction”

While it might not (yet) be considered a clinical addition, many in society can’t go 5 minutes without checking their phone to see how many likes they have for their latest post, or how many comments people have left. And our teens are especially susceptible. After all, they’ve been all but raised with a device in their hands. How do we help this next generation deal with the debilitating side effects social media can have on us? In this 90-minute webinar, Pastor Rob will discuss the issue and provide practical ways we can help our teens navigate these formative years in a positive way. There will also be a live Q & A session at the end. (A link to the recorded webinar will be provided after the live event.)

Overliked by Rob Singleton is a tome for such a time as this. Even though I work on television, I also make a living through social media. Coincidently, right before I started reading the pre-release copy, I had checked my "Likes'" and numbers on social media! How was I doing? Were my numbers growing? Declining? Did a few drop off?  
 
It's so easy to get our self-esteem and self-worth tied to those likes and numbers.  
 
Through Pastor Rob's book, we learn how frivolous and fake it can all be and ultimately, how it can lead to a miserable and unfulfilled life if left unchecked. The tools, scriptures, and "change of heart" takeaways that Pastor Rob provides at the end of each chapter help considerably shift the focus from there…to in here. He gently, but with statistics and examples, gives us a guide us to live a more authentic life.  
 
In the book, Pastor Rob says, "Honesty is what sets us up for authentic relationships," and isn't that what we really all want? 
 
As a woman over 40 in Hollywood, the expectations have never been higher. Overliked sites that, in one 12-month period, YouTube logged 169 billion views just for beauty-related content. Beauty is good… perfection is lethal. And don't I know it? I am on high-definition TV with glaring set lights, standing next to 20- to 30-year old young women daily; it's a test to stay solid and secure in your own skin.  
 
I was posting perfectly lit and curated pictures of my "Beautiful" (heavily filtered) life; people followed and viewed but scrolled right along. However, when I let down the curtain, turned off the filter, and decided to share my real-life sorrows and struggles with cancer, the comments, words, notes, and numbers flooded. People want to see my honesty and weaknesses because they can relate.  
 
Overliked shows us that when we pretend to be perfect, the only person we are hurting is ourselves.  
 
Pastor Rob's easy and relatable storytelling draws the reader in. We find that our weaknesses become our strengths to help us touch, encourage, and heal others, not just impress them.  
 
Thank you for this very needed and essential book that helps us realize that being real is the only way to have a true connection with our Lord and our friends and family. 
 
In Overliked, through story references of David, we learn the Lord encourages us all to ignore appearance and stature. "For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)
 
This book is an important message for developing authenticity in our lives, which is far more critical than adding strangers, getting fake followers, and creating a heavily-filtered life experience. I promise you will really "LIKE" it.