As a pastor, I am frequently asked questions about what the Bible says about certain situations and topics. Today, I’d like to address a sensitive subject: divorce. Specifically, what does the Bible say about divorce and remarriage?
Now, we all have our opinions, so it’s important to go to the best source—the Bible—to get our answers. We read in Malachi 2:16, “‘I hate divorce,’ says the Lord God of Israel.” Also, according to the Bible, marriage is a lifetime commitment. Jesus says in Matthew 19:6, “So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
God realizes, though, that since marriage involves two sinful human beings, divorces will happen. In the Old Testament, He laid down some laws to protect the rights of divorcees, especially women (Deuteronomy, 24:1-4). Jesus pointed out that these laws were given because of the hardness of people’s hearts, not because such laws were God’s desire (Matthew 19:8).
The Exception Clause
The controversy over whether the Bible allows divorce and remarriage primarily revolves around Jesus’s words in Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9. It’s one little phrase that’s caused problems: “except for marital unfaithfulness.” This phrase is the only thing in Scripture that possibly gives God’s permission for divorce and remarriage. Many interpreters understand this “exception clause,” as it’s become known, as referring to marital unfaithfulness during the betrothal period. In Jewish custom, a man and a woman were considered married even while they were still engaged or betrothed, which of course, is not the case today. (Today, we’re only looking at the actual marriage.) According to this view, marital unfaithfulness would then be the only valid reason for divorce. Interestingly, the Greek word translated as “marital unfaithfulness” is a word that can mean any form of sexual immorality whatsoever, including fornication, prostitution, adultery, pornography, etc.
Jesus is possibly saying the divorce is permissible if sexual immorality is committed. Clearly, sexual relations are an integral part of the marital bond. The two will become one flesh (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, and Ephesians 5:31). Therefore, any breaking of that bond by sexual relations outside of that marriage bond might be a permissible reason for divorce.
If so, Jesus also has remarriage in mind in this passage. The phrase “and marries another” (Matthew 19:9) indicates that divorce and remarriage are allowed in an instance of the exception clause, whatever that is interpreted to be. It’s also important to note that only the innocent party is actually allowed to remarry. Although not stated in the text, it would seem the allowance for remarriage after divorce is God’s mercy for the one who was sinned against, not for the one who committed the sexual immorality. Now, there may be instances where the guilty party is allowed to remarry, but they’re not evident in this text.
Are There Other Exceptions?
There are two other cases where there seems to be some evidence or thought where God will permit divorce. Some understand 1 Corinthians 7:15 as a possible second exception clause, allowing remarriage if an unbelieving spouse divorces his or her believing spouse. However, the context does not mention remarriage at all; it simply says a believer is not bound to continue a marriage if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave. However, unbound or free to do what? The obvious answer seems to be remarry.
A third possible exception clause that some claim is a valid reason for divorce is abuse—spousal or child abuse—even though it’s not listed as such an above. I suppose this might be a case, but it’s never wise to presume upon the Word of God.
How God Sees It
Sometimes lost in the debate over the exception clause(s) is the fact that, whatever marital unfaithfulness means, it’s an allowance for divorce, not a command for it. Even when adultery is committed, a couple can, through God’s grace, learn to forgive and begin to rebuild their marriage. God’s forgiven us so much. In fact, so much more. Surely, we can follow His example and even forgive the sin of adultery. Ephesians 4:32 suggests that. However, in many instances, the spouse is unrepentant and continues in sexual immorality. That’s where Matthew 19:9 can possibly be applied.
Many also look to quickly remarry after divorce—it’s called rebounding—when God might actually desire them to wait or even remain single. God sometimes calls people to be single so that their attention is not divided. (1 Corinthians 7:32-35) Marriage after divorce may be an option in some circumstances, but that does not mean it’s the only option.
Again, remember the Bible makes it abundantly clear that God actually hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). And that reconciliation and forgiveness should mark a believer’s life. That’s what He prefers (Luke 11:4, Ephesians 4:32).
However, God recognizes clearly in His Word that divorce will occur, even among His children. A divorced and remarried believer should not feel any less love by God, even if the divorce and or remarriage is not covered under the possible exception clause.
While this does not begin to explain every facet of this difficult subject, I hope it will help you understand God’s heart about marriage.
To find answers to other relevant and thought-provoking questions, check out my Ask P-Ro video series on my YouTube channel. I’d also like to invite you to join me on Sunday mornings—either in-person or online—for an authentic and enlightening worship experience at either 9:00 or 11:00 am (Mountain time) at The Summit Church.
~Pastor Rob
Aka, “P-Ro”