Are You Addicted to Likes?

Picture this: I’m racing full speed, trees blurring past on both sides, wind cutting across my face. I schuss down the hill to the bottom, where I set an edge and swerve to a stop in a spray of snow. I am pretty sure this was my most epic run—at least in the last 10 years. The stop wasn’t all bad either. I pull off my goggles and catch my breath, furtively glancing to see if anyone saw what I just did, instinctively looking for phones in people’s hands. I also throw together a few quick thoughts in my head for the obligatory and ever so humble “Who me?” speech sure to be requested.

Standing there, catching my breath, I’m thinking, Man! Did I just do that? This had to be my best run in years. Then, after I look around, I’m thinking, “Are you kidding me? No cameras?” Then I spot him, one teenager clapping his hands, stopping to motion to me, then clapping his hands again. I pull off my earbuds to hear what he wants. He says, “Dude, you were shredding!” And I say what we would all say in that situation, “Did you video it?” Nope.

Elation turns to disappointment, and I head over to the lodge. Inwardly, I’m trusting that one of my friends or family saw me on the run. But no one did. Not even a shaky GoPro validating my awesomeness. I’m alone in my awesomeness. My family had to take my word for it, and now you do too. Please believe me. I went fast.

Two days later, I’m on a much smaller run with slushy snow. I turn to look at my son and, my ski stops. One minute I am upwardly mobile, the next I am upwardly gazing. I’m moaning in pain as I grab my leg. What just happened? I look around for help and also to see if anyone saw me. Did anybody video that? The thought is a little ego-shattering. I see someone with a phone in his hand—he’s calling the ski patrol. Ski patrol! In no time flat, I’m being carried down the hill. On a stretcher! You know what I’m thinking: If anyone catches this, it’s never getting posted. I refuse to be reduced to a meme! Or worse, a gif!

These days, cameras are pointed at all of us everywhere—from grocery stores to signal lights to strangers in crowds. I’m a professional guy who is secure in my identity, with a family and a big enough circle of friends to feel loved even when I do something dumb. So if being “liked” or “videoed” or “shared” can still inflate or deflate me, what does it do to the people who have all their digital “friends”—and enemies—watching and commenting about them on social media all the time? Are we really more concerned with how we perform virtually than in real life? For many of us, the unfortunate answer is yes.

Social media blunders can be devastating. That ski fall tore my ACL, but at least my image, my identity, and my self-respect stayed intact. What do you do if they don’t? What if your mood rises and falls according to those images and interactions that appear after the fact? There should be a vaccine against the deflation of our own attitudes, a cure for negative reactions when online “relationships” turn ugly.

I Enjoy Feeling Lonely, Disconnected, and Unloved Said No One Ever

In a world divided by economics, political views, and gender roles, there are a few foundational truths that we can all agree on. Love is life-giving. And authentic relationships matter greatly. Almost everyone would agree to that.

The problem is, in this age of instant, global connection, we are somehow becoming more and more disconnected. It is becoming increasingly difficult for people to be themselves and reveal what’s really going on in their lives. To a large degree, this is because the lines are being blurred between real and authentic and what’s politically correct and pre-approved to say out loud or even online. Our ability to engage with those around us seems to be faltering. It is becoming easy to confuse the notion of being “connected” with being in actual relationship.

As a global village, we are certainly more networked. Well over 60 percent of the world’s population has cell phones. But we are also more isolated. Oddly, the generation that was all but born with a device in their hand is feeling this isolation more than previous ones. While 90 percent of millennials engage regularly in social media, 22 percent say they have no friends at all. Read that again. Not “few real friends” but “no friends at all.” Well, I guess there’s a silver lining —at least they can still tell the difference. However, that’s hardly comforting in light of the fact that we are creatures of community who lack any kind of real community.

God and Community

Orthodox Christianity teaches the biblical truth that God is one with three distinct personalities—the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. It’s called the Trinity. In the first book of the Bible, Genesis, we also learn that humankind was God’s crowning achievement. He said in Genesis 1:31 that it was “very good.” Not just “good” but “very good.” Back up a few verses and we see why. In Genesis 1:27 it says, “So God created mankind in his own image…” And what is one of the main things about the image of God? That He is one God in three persons. In other words, community.

At no other time in history have we had such rapid access to each other. With a phone call, a text, or a video chat, the people we love and care about are virtually at our fingertips. In the coronavirus crisis that stopped the world, people were able to stay in regular communication with each other. We turn to our ever-present handheld devices to connect with those around us. The technology that links us together is amazing.

However, the issue of disconnection isn’t the technology, but our use of it and how our brains filter what’s being taken in. Our perception of reality becomes skewed as we scroll through our Instagram feed or view the latest posts on Facebook.

Our online connectivity has changed our relational behaviors. We friend and unfriend with the tap of a screen. We decide if life is good based on if we are liked on Facebook or followed on Instagram. Unfortunately, the importance of whether our latest post is “liked” can outweigh the importance of us being liked ourselves.

That vital connection we long for is too often displaced by the need for validation, a thumbs-up, smiley face, wink face, thank-you hands, heart emoji, fire emoji, take your pick—I got more! That real life-giving love we are actually longing for is constantly being replaced in favor of accumulating likes. Our desire to be liked is so oversaturated we’ve reached a point of being “over-liked.”

Are We Addicted to Likes?

Researchers at aerospace and defense manufacturer Northrop Grumman state that the lure of likes on social media literally rewires our brains. Each time one of our posts receives a like, it fires off a hit of dopamine. (Dopamine is a neurotransmitter in the brain, a chemical messenger, that helps us feel pleasure.) According to Northrop Grumman, getting a like online “triggers the same kind of chemical reaction that is caused by gambling and recreational drugs.”

Want to learn more about how break free of the addition to likes? Pre-order a copy of my new book, Overliked, and learn how to be all that God has created the real you to be.

 

On social media, people talk about themselves 80 percent of the time, but if you were talking in real life, it would be only 30 to 40 percent. When people reveal themselves and get a “like,” it perpetuates the social media habit. Enough said, we’re addicted to likes.

So what do we do about it? How do we break free from this addition to likes? It’s something that God has put on my heart because He’s concerned about it too. In fact, I’ve written a book on it called, Overliked: Finding Direction, Courage, and Meaningful Relationships in a Society Crippled by Social Media. It’s due to be released in April of this year, but I want to share some of what God’s downloaded to me. Next Monday, I’ll talk more about likes.

Until then, lean-in to Jesus. He loves you.

~Pastor Rob
Aka, P-Ro

The First Three Chapters

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

 

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

 

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

 

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.

 

Make It the Best Year

Everybody wants this to be the best year of their life—who wouldn’t?! But making this year better than the others means making some adjustments—changes. This 21-day devotional is the jump-start you need to do just that. Filled with scriptures, insight, and encouragement, Pastor Rob walks with you on this daily journey. Don’t wait until next New Year’s Day, make this the best year of your life…starting today!

The First Three Chapters

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.

 

The First Three Chapters

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

 

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

 

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

 

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.

 

Make It the Best Year Devotional 

Everybody wants this to be the best year of their life—who wouldn’t?! But making this year better than the others means making some adjustments—changes. This 21-day devotional is the jump-start you need to do just that. Filled with scriptures, insight, and encouragement, Pastor Rob walks with you on this daily journey. Don’t wait until next New Year’s Day, make this the best year of your life…starting today!

 

Exclusive Private Virtual Event – “Narcissism and Breaking Its Hold”

Narcissism is at an all-time high. And it’s not just because we’ve become a society obsessed with how we look and making sure we’re #1. It’s because we’ve put ourselves at the center of our lives instead of God. Join Pastor Rob in this 45-minute private event, where he will discuss the challenges facing society today and how we can make powerful changes in our lives to break the self-centered hold and embrace a God-centered life.

The First Three Chapters 

Why wait until the book is released to start reading it? With your pre-order, you will receive the first three chapters immediately, so you can begin reading it right away. Pastor Rob sets lays the groundwork for all that he will be sharing, and you will get to start on his end-of-chapter “Change of Heart” exercises.

 

Out of Egypt Devotional

In this 6-day devotional, Pastor Rob will walk you through Scripture, much like the Israelites following God out of Egypt, and show you that God uses the ordinary to do the extraordinary and how to discern the truth over all the noise. You can also join the private Out of Egypt Facebook Group where you can connect with Pastor Rob and others in a supportive and encouraging environment.

 

Social Media First Aid Kit

Every home, office, store, church, and public gathering place has a first aid kit. Something to help patch up those bumps and scrapes we get from time to time. So it seems only appropriate that we treat the bumps and scrapes we sometimes get from social media. In Pastor Rob’s Social Media First Aid Kit, you will find valuable tools to not only treat the wound but to also prevent the wounds from coming in the first place.

 

Included in the kit you’ll find:

  • 5 Bible Verses to Look at Before Engaging Social Media Today – Get the Scriptural foundation you need before checking in with your social media platforms.
  • 3 Decisions to Make TODAY to Protect Your Mental Health When Engaging with Social Media – Having a more positive experience with your social media platforms can be as easy as 1-2-3. These three simple tips, when implemented consistently, will help keep social media in its place…and move you closer to God.
  • The Age of Narcissism – Narcissism, a personality trait that we all possess to a certain degree, has become a major problem. Not just because we’re obsessed with selfies and making sure we look—or at least appear¬¬ to look—good, happy, successful. But because the focus is on self and not God. Take this seven-day journey to putting God—and not you—at the center of your life.


Make It the Best Year Devotional

Everybody wants this to be the best year of their life—who wouldn’t?! But making this year better than the others means making some adjustments—changes. This 21-day devotional is the jump-start you need to do just that. Filled with scriptures, insight, and encouragement, Pastor Rob walks with you on this daily journey. Don’t wait until next New Year’s Day, make this the best year of your life…starting today!

 

Exclusive Private Virtual Event – “Narcissism and Breaking Its Hold”

Narcissism is at an all-time high. And it’s not just because we’ve become a society obsessed with how we look and making sure we’re #1. It’s because we’ve put ourselves at the center of our lives instead of God. Join Pastor Rob in this 45-minute private event, where he will discuss the challenges facing society today and how we can make powerful changes in our lives to break the self-centered hold and embrace a God-centered life.

 

Exclusive Live Webinar – “How to Help Your Teen Break Free of Social Media Addiction”

While it might not (yet) be considered a clinical addition, many in society can’t go 5 minutes without checking their phone to see how many likes they have for their latest post, or how many comments people have left. And our teens are especially susceptible. After all, they’ve been all but raised with a device in their hands. How do we help this next generation deal with the debilitating side effects social media can have on us? In this 90-minute webinar, Pastor Rob will discuss the issue and provide practical ways we can help our teens navigate these formative years in a positive way. There will also be a live Q & A session at the end. (A link to the recorded webinar will be provided after the live event.)

Overliked by Rob Singleton is a tome for such a time as this. Even though I work on television, I also make a living through social media. Coincidently, right before I started reading the pre-release copy, I had checked my "Likes'" and numbers on social media! How was I doing? Were my numbers growing? Declining? Did a few drop off?  
 
It's so easy to get our self-esteem and self-worth tied to those likes and numbers.  
 
Through Pastor Rob's book, we learn how frivolous and fake it can all be and ultimately, how it can lead to a miserable and unfulfilled life if left unchecked. The tools, scriptures, and "change of heart" takeaways that Pastor Rob provides at the end of each chapter help considerably shift the focus from there…to in here. He gently, but with statistics and examples, gives us a guide us to live a more authentic life.  
 
In the book, Pastor Rob says, "Honesty is what sets us up for authentic relationships," and isn't that what we really all want? 
 
As a woman over 40 in Hollywood, the expectations have never been higher. Overliked sites that, in one 12-month period, YouTube logged 169 billion views just for beauty-related content. Beauty is good… perfection is lethal. And don't I know it? I am on high-definition TV with glaring set lights, standing next to 20- to 30-year old young women daily; it's a test to stay solid and secure in your own skin.  
 
I was posting perfectly lit and curated pictures of my "Beautiful" (heavily filtered) life; people followed and viewed but scrolled right along. However, when I let down the curtain, turned off the filter, and decided to share my real-life sorrows and struggles with cancer, the comments, words, notes, and numbers flooded. People want to see my honesty and weaknesses because they can relate.  
 
Overliked shows us that when we pretend to be perfect, the only person we are hurting is ourselves.  
 
Pastor Rob's easy and relatable storytelling draws the reader in. We find that our weaknesses become our strengths to help us touch, encourage, and heal others, not just impress them.  
 
Thank you for this very needed and essential book that helps us realize that being real is the only way to have a true connection with our Lord and our friends and family. 
 
In Overliked, through story references of David, we learn the Lord encourages us all to ignore appearance and stature. "For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)
 
This book is an important message for developing authenticity in our lives, which is far more critical than adding strangers, getting fake followers, and creating a heavily-filtered life experience. I promise you will really "LIKE" it.